


If You Give A Magicat A Chocolate Bar...

by Revelation_Dis



Series: The Crack [14]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:00:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22588282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Revelation_Dis/pseuds/Revelation_Dis
Summary: In an attempt to kill off Catra, Shadow Weaver gives Catra a chocolate bar.  Needless to say it doesn't go as planned.
Series: The Crack [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1521995
Comments: 5
Kudos: 72





	If You Give A Magicat A Chocolate Bar...

“Catra, come here for a moment?” Shadow Weaver asked in an uncharacteristically pleasant tone.

The hybrid feline looked at her watch, and sighed, “I thought we agreed that pinata time would be at 4pm every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursdays,” Catra started, “It’s only 2:43. Plus it’s Friday.”

Shadow Weaver face palmed. “Catra, has it ever crossed your mind that perhaps I don’t only intend to cause you immense physical, mental, and emotional harm?”

Catra thought about this, memories running through her mind of different times with Shadow Weaver.

_”Catra, you stupid ingrate! I’ll have you know that the only reason why I’m keeping you around is so I have something to hurt!”_

“Yeah, the thought never crossed my mind,” Catra finally said.

Realizing that Catra wasn’t going to come to her, Shadow Weaver materialized a chocolate bar out of thin air, and tossed it at Catra. Catra caught it in her hand and looked at it, “What the fuck is Lisheydhelvia?” 

“It’s a chocolate bar! Try it out!” Shadow Weaver coaxed.

Catra sniffed the bar, opened the wrapper to reveal the rich dark brown chocolate bar within, and sniffed it once more. Her eyes dilated at the pleasant sensations hitting her brain. Tentatively she took a small lick of the bar, and a huge smile crossed her face. 

“Holy fuck this is the best thing I’ve ever tasted!” Catra shouted just before she ravished the entire bar of chocolate in about three bites.

Shadow Weaver smiled to herself. _’Good, it won’t be long before this stupid cat is dead and I can finally marry Adora off to that nice boy I once saw in Mystacor.’_

_**THREE HOURS LATER** _

Shadow Weaver’s room had been completely ransacked. Dozens of chocolate wrappers laid haphazardly on the floor. Several boxes of the delictable treat were now empty.

“I AM THE LIZARD KING!” Catra shouted at nobody in particular.

Shadow Weaver attempted to catch Catra, but the other woman was way too fast for her. The sound of all the commotion brought Adora, Bow, and Glimmer running into the room. “What’s going on??” Bow asked incredulously.

“Bow!” Catra pounced on Glimmer; “Sparkles!” she pounced on Adora; “Adora!” she pounced on Bow, “Guess what?!”

Before anyone could answer, Catra leapt up and shouted, “The Grand Admiral Younicorn has made me, Catra, King of Nipples!!”

Everyone, including Shadow Weaver gave the high as hell cat blank, and or confused looks. “Catra?” Bow asked.

“As King of Nipples I decree that all my subjects must give me alms in the form of fish shaped candies that taste like the housing market crash of 2008!”

The three young adults finally looked at Shadow Weaver suspiciously. The suspicious woman was reading a suspiciously suspicious book about how to throw suspicion off of one’s suspicious self. It was called ‘How To Hide The Bodies When You Suspect That Everyone Around You is Suspicious of You.’

“Shadow Weaver?” Adora asked.

“Hmmm?” Shadow Weaver feigned innocence.

“What did you do to Catra?” Adora asked, arms folded.

Shadow Weaver looked aghast, “Me?? You think I did this? Obviously she got into my stash of medicinal marijuana!”

The three glared at her. In the background Catra could be seen doing a waltz with Double Trouble.

“Fine!” Shadow Weaver huffed, “I gave her chocolate!”

“Shadow Weaver!” Adora gasped.

“Chocolate kills cats!!” Glimmer shouted.

Bow commented, “According to this, while chocolate is deadly to regular cats it acts like a hallucinogenic narcotic to Magicats. Effects can last anywhere between 1 hour to 1 week depending on the amount of chocolate eaten.”

“How much did you give her?” Adora asked.

Shadow Weaver chuckled, “Look around you. She’s eaten at least 12 chocolate bars today.”

“Fuck!” Glimmer shouted.

“She’s going to be like this for more than a week!” Adora cried out.

“Unless some sort of divine force decides to rescue us from this terrible predicament!” Bow cautiously shouted.

The divine force was asleep however, and Catra remained the King of Nipples for two months. During her reign of terror, thousands of mice were beheaded for the crime of being invasive and annoying. As a result crops everywhere grew, and more people were needed to harvest them. Everyone was given a task to do and all were paid quite well for their services. The economy of Etheria begin to boom, and it was considered the 187th wealthiest planet in the Vasta Galaxy.

“Wow, Catra’s proven to be the best ruler that Etheria’s ever had,” Adora said.

“What the fuck.” Glimmer and Shadow Weaver responded.


End file.
